311611 responses to “Respect Reserved Only for “Marriage Potential””http%3A%2F%2Fwww.worldinconversation.org%2F2010%2F09%2F24%2Frespect-reserved-only-for-marriage-potential%2FRespect+Reserved+Only+for+%22Marriage+Potential%22++2010-09-24+06%3A29%3A53Sam+Richardshttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.worldinconversation.org%2F%3Fp%3D3116
Marriage potential is an important fact in the middle eatern countries. Parents do have potentials towards there kids of who they should and what would the person be like. They have a believe that they know better even though they are rascist in their decision. It's important because the partner of their daughet or their son will have an effect on how society view them. In middle eatern cultures there are standards to the society we live in. How we dress? How we act? Who we marry? What we do?
To be accepted in society you have to follow these standards. I presonnaly do not think it's right and I'm very against. but it will take a lot to change the society we live in. It has an amazing tradition that they would like to keep with their kids and the generations that are coming and the way to do that is by marrying from within. It helps a person grow in the culture he is used to and not face as much challenges as she or he would if he married a non-native in some familes in others a non-arab. AS for men it's different they have the option of marrying from other but not in all familes. Men do have the option of marrying whoever they want but it also depends from family to another. But usually most of these marriages end up with a divorce since the man's family has a hard time accepting her. Marriage potential is important in middle eastern countries but is not necessarily right.
i think in the last session i didn't know how to explain my point of view and how people live back in the gulf countries, especially the United arab emirates. Racism' was the point. Everyone in the UAE or let's say specifically 'Abu Dhabi' knows each other. UAE is a small country and Abu Dhabi is a small city where all families are familiar which each other. In a traditional aspect men marry women from families they know or with a good reputation, therefore a woman back in UAE has to take care of her reputation because everyone knows everyone.
Questions were raised, why don't a woman cover her face or hair from an indian or a not Emirate man?
Girls in the UAE have this mentality that a not local guy won't talk about them or they will never get married to a not local guy. Others might find this statement really racist, yet, it's not because an Emirate girl has to get married to an Emirate guy, there families would know each other or get to know each other. Parents there have this thought that their daughter have to live the same or a better life than she is living now. That's why she has to marry an Emirate, it's a part of our traditions and culture. Yes, this might change and it already did , where an emirate girl is marrying a non local man, however, they might lose some advantages.
it's really complicated because everyone there have to show their best to people, because as i said everyone know everyone and everyone has to take care of their reputation especially girls.
Some students might not get this because it really differs in their country and if you live in Abu dhabi you might get what i'm talking about.
I can understand that in the gulf usually the locals marry within each other and very rarely marry someone that’s not from their country. It is just tradition which we can’t really call racist. Every Country in the Middle East has its own tradition, most countries like the UAE, Saudi, Kuwait, etc tend to go by this tradition, however some countries like Lebanon, Egypt and Morocco don't, and it is just how they were brought up. Usually Arabs marry within each other; this is due to similar tradition of upbringing. Knowing that we are both brought up similarly makes you feel more comfortable, which kind of means having the same mentality towards most things. This doesn't mean they think of the other people as not good enough, but they just know that they will end up marrying a local. However I don't agree with the fact that she looks more presentable in front of the local and not the international because that does come off as racist. It comes off in a way that the other person is not good enough for her to look presentable. I also don’t agree with the fact that she acts differently in front of the international than the local, I think that if you know you’re not supposed to do something then just don’t do it, but don’t change the way you are in front of different people, because that makes you look like your degrading the other person and looks like you’re doing something wrong.
its common not to marry someone who does not have the same mind/culture/understanding as yours and your peoples. people all over the world, including America, can have the same understanding.
Its not common to see a Princess in the UK getting married to a farmer or someone from different background. For example, a lot of stories have been said about Princess Diana’s death and that it was the British intelligence job just to stop the princess from her marriage outside the royal cage!!
nor its common to see a local Emarati women getting married to someone who doesn't share the same kind of culture lets say a European for example.
Lets not look at it as racism, actually lets not think about it at all. this may sound really stupid but it is the fact that is accepted in our subconscious. We all know that love doesn't know race, or culture. but love isn't everything in marriage, at least not in Asia, conservative, countries or countries that are controlled by customs. not only middle eastern countries but even in Romania or SP, Brazil; I am kind of sure that the people of there don't completely accept a completely different human being coming to marry their girls or girls taking their boys. It can be really hard for Americans to understand this because it is simple different from what they grew up knowing. There are very few Non-native arabs with an Arab nationality but America has the largest mix of cultures that evolved to one great thing. I am just saying its simply different.
“Respect is not only reserved for marriage potential!” it’s reserved for the sake of our race, ethnicity, culture, and traditions that were brought to us by our old parents, grandparents, and older generations. It is something valuable, that’s why we’re giving it much importance. Therefore, breaking it or not following it would bring “shame!”
When it comes to marriage in the Middle East, it gets really sensitive since we’re talking about a keenly awaited family that would carry, reserve, and deliver this valuable gift from the elder.
Our society cares a lot about whom their kids should or shouldn’t get married to, what it is ok to do ,and what’s not , whether the marriage suits our values and standards or not, and many other things. All these concerns are for the sake of continuing the traditions that were brought to us.
This explains the case that Nouf brought “ If a girl is seen talking to a stranger local guy , etc … ” This thing wasn’t accepted back then, and all later generations learned and lived with the fact that it’s a NO! So you don’t want to bring shame to your family by breaking something was set many many years ago.
In the Middle East, society is largely based on culture, religion and reputation. Marriage is just another part of the life that is pretty much set out for you before you even know it. A person's spouse plays a large role in the way people perceive them and in their social status. When a man in the Middle East decides to marry a woman it MUST be a choice that is agreed upon by all members of the family. This refers to Nouf's point on how girls are viewed when they are seen acting outside the cultural norms. Girls who live in the Middle East are brought up on the idea of maintaining a certain image in society so that they can eventually be perfect marriage material. Who you marry represents not only you but your family as well. The reason marriages in the Middle East are so preferential to locals is partly based on religion. In Islam, it is a must for a Muslim woman to marry a Muslim man whereas Muslim men have the option of marrying outside the religion. Even though this option is available to them, they usually stick within the lines because they want to raise their children on the same religion they were raised. Therefore even though it may be seen as an act of racism, more of the time it is the desire to provide the same life for your children that you had and the live the same way your parent's did, culture is so strong in the Middle East and you are raised with the want to pass it on.
I was in that group last week and we had this really confusing debate about how people can be racist and not in the same time. In the Arabian Gulf countries there is a lot of foreigners who work for companies. The range of work starts from cleaners to managers of big companies. It is well known that people who don’t have that high position job wouldn’t fit in the Arabian Gulf culture even if he was from the gulf. So being a foreigner makes the situation even worse. Well, we were talking about why girls wear the scarf on when there is a guy from their country and they wouldn’t if there was any other foreigner. Because some girls thought about the scarf as a tradition thing, which is not it’s a religious thing, so they don’t really care about guys who are from different culture because he doesn’t know the reason about that. In each country girls like to show attraction to the other sex by showing them how do they are still attached to their culture and tradition, so that the guys would say yes she is the good mother that will raise my children according to my traditions. In this case girls wouldn’t care if a foreigner passes by her because he doesn’t know how does her culture mean to her as much as the guy who is from the same country. That’s why its not racism as much as its kind of keeping culture and tradition thing.
I believe that marriage should be the way it is in the Muslim and the Arabic society. Yes it could be limited, but it is a better way since I believe it has lower chances of divorces. Although there is something that I really don’t like, which is that many families in the Saudi Arabia and in the Middle East generally limit their marriage to only people from the same family. Or sometimes they limit it to certain families in certain regions or areas in Saudi. This is not how Islam said it should, but people still do it as part of tradition. Also, this could make a lot of problems since people from these families would like to marry people from other regions or other family, or vice versa, then the other family would refuses the marriage due to family difference. What would happen next is that the whole family would have problem with the other whole family. That is so ridiculous that there is no point at all for all this. The only reason here is that these kinds of families have this proud and that they wouldn’t like to let people from families without this kind of pride to marry from them. This is why it is extremely rare that you see an international married with a person from the Middle East, just because they would never have this pride am talking about. If you can understand this pride you would explain many things and traditions in the Muslim Arab culture marriages.
I don't really know how I feel about this issue or if I should tackle it objectively rather than from a Saudi point of view. It's very easy to label the situation and say that this is clearly racism and people shouldn't be doing this but in order for us to understand why this is happening we need to go back and study the social structure of the Gulf. Men and women residing in the Gulf countries are ruled by their traditions, at least when making major decisions such as marriage. A man or a woman marrying someone from a far away country happens often but it is still frowned upon by society. This could potentially be problematic for the spouse who has to either assimilate into the culture or be overwhelmed by traditions and eventually decide to leave.
When it comes to women unveiling in front of international men that work for the family, this doesn't mean it's because they think less of them or find them unsuitable for marriage. Veiled women will cover up from all men including those who don't share the same traditions or beliefs. However, in a society where the veil is an indication of the family's good reputation unveiled women find themselves more inclined to taking it off in front international men just like they take it off when they travel, even if it's to a close country such as Lebanon or Jordan where being unveiled isn't as big of a deal as it is in the Gulf countries. This might be because these other Arab countries have people of different religions whereas in the gulf the locals are all Muslims that share the same set of beliefs with small changes in traditions when moving from one region to another.
I see it as a really confusing issue for me, marriage potential might be that important for us middle eastern because parents are always concerned about their son’s/ daughter’s life future. Middle eastern people usually get married from the same country they were born in, or depend on their nationalities. However, people cannot consider marriage potential under racism because traditionally, people get married to others who are from the same lifestyle, social class and the same religion. Based on these features parents would usually rather their children to get married from the same nationality, its not that they want to discriminate and don’t allow their children to get married from other nations, as I said, its only about the matches that would get the couple relationship deeper through marriage.
About girls’ reputation importance in the Middle East, almost all of the Middle Eastern families are concerned about their daughters’ behavior according to some religious beliefs that they believe in. Some people still want to keep those traditions that doesn’t allow opposite genders to sit together alone in some cases and I would say dating as an example of things that people are not allowed to do in our countries. I think those people have the rights to keep their traditions and costumes that used to keep their nations renewing for ages through generations. Although that people in our countries have been more open minded and they let go of a lot of costumes that they used to do, I think more is coming by the time when societies get more and more in globalization.
Marriage potential is an important fact in the middle eatern countries. Parents do have potentials towards there kids of who they should and what would the person be like. They have a believe that they know better even though they are rascist in their decision. It's important because the partner of their daughet or their son will have an effect on how society view them. In middle eatern cultures there are standards to the society we live in. How we dress? How we act? Who we marry? What we do?
To be accepted in society you have to follow these standards. I presonnaly do not think it's right and I'm very against. but it will take a lot to change the society we live in. It has an amazing tradition that they would like to keep with their kids and the generations that are coming and the way to do that is by marrying from within. It helps a person grow in the culture he is used to and not face as much challenges as she or he would if he married a non-native in some familes in others a non-arab. AS for men it's different they have the option of marrying from other but not in all familes. Men do have the option of marrying whoever they want but it also depends from family to another. But usually most of these marriages end up with a divorce since the man's family has a hard time accepting her. Marriage potential is important in middle eastern countries but is not necessarily right.
i think in the last session i didn't know how to explain my point of view and how people live back in the gulf countries, especially the United arab emirates. Racism' was the point. Everyone in the UAE or let's say specifically 'Abu Dhabi' knows each other. UAE is a small country and Abu Dhabi is a small city where all families are familiar which each other. In a traditional aspect men marry women from families they know or with a good reputation, therefore a woman back in UAE has to take care of her reputation because everyone knows everyone.
Questions were raised, why don't a woman cover her face or hair from an indian or a not Emirate man?
Girls in the UAE have this mentality that a not local guy won't talk about them or they will never get married to a not local guy. Others might find this statement really racist, yet, it's not because an Emirate girl has to get married to an Emirate guy, there families would know each other or get to know each other. Parents there have this thought that their daughter have to live the same or a better life than she is living now. That's why she has to marry an Emirate, it's a part of our traditions and culture. Yes, this might change and it already did , where an emirate girl is marrying a non local man, however, they might lose some advantages.
it's really complicated because everyone there have to show their best to people, because as i said everyone know everyone and everyone has to take care of their reputation especially girls.
Some students might not get this because it really differs in their country and if you live in Abu dhabi you might get what i'm talking about.
I can understand that in the gulf usually the locals marry within each other and very rarely marry someone that’s not from their country. It is just tradition which we can’t really call racist. Every Country in the Middle East has its own tradition, most countries like the UAE, Saudi, Kuwait, etc tend to go by this tradition, however some countries like Lebanon, Egypt and Morocco don't, and it is just how they were brought up. Usually Arabs marry within each other; this is due to similar tradition of upbringing. Knowing that we are both brought up similarly makes you feel more comfortable, which kind of means having the same mentality towards most things. This doesn't mean they think of the other people as not good enough, but they just know that they will end up marrying a local. However I don't agree with the fact that she looks more presentable in front of the local and not the international because that does come off as racist. It comes off in a way that the other person is not good enough for her to look presentable. I also don’t agree with the fact that she acts differently in front of the international than the local, I think that if you know you’re not supposed to do something then just don’t do it, but don’t change the way you are in front of different people, because that makes you look like your degrading the other person and looks like you’re doing something wrong.
its common not to marry someone who does not have the same mind/culture/understanding as yours and your peoples. people all over the world, including America, can have the same understanding.
Its not common to see a Princess in the UK getting married to a farmer or someone from different background. For example, a lot of stories have been said about Princess Diana’s death and that it was the British intelligence job just to stop the princess from her marriage outside the royal cage!!
nor its common to see a local Emarati women getting married to someone who doesn't share the same kind of culture lets say a European for example.
Lets not look at it as racism, actually lets not think about it at all. this may sound really stupid but it is the fact that is accepted in our subconscious. We all know that love doesn't know race, or culture. but love isn't everything in marriage, at least not in Asia, conservative, countries or countries that are controlled by customs. not only middle eastern countries but even in Romania or SP, Brazil; I am kind of sure that the people of there don't completely accept a completely different human being coming to marry their girls or girls taking their boys. It can be really hard for Americans to understand this because it is simple different from what they grew up knowing. There are very few Non-native arabs with an Arab nationality but America has the largest mix of cultures that evolved to one great thing. I am just saying its simply different.
“Respect is not only reserved for marriage potential!” it’s reserved for the sake of our race, ethnicity, culture, and traditions that were brought to us by our old parents, grandparents, and older generations. It is something valuable, that’s why we’re giving it much importance. Therefore, breaking it or not following it would bring “shame!”
When it comes to marriage in the Middle East, it gets really sensitive since we’re talking about a keenly awaited family that would carry, reserve, and deliver this valuable gift from the elder.
Our society cares a lot about whom their kids should or shouldn’t get married to, what it is ok to do ,and what’s not , whether the marriage suits our values and standards or not, and many other things. All these concerns are for the sake of continuing the traditions that were brought to us.
This explains the case that Nouf brought “ If a girl is seen talking to a stranger local guy , etc … ” This thing wasn’t accepted back then, and all later generations learned and lived with the fact that it’s a NO! So you don’t want to bring shame to your family by breaking something was set many many years ago.
In the Middle East, society is largely based on culture, religion and reputation. Marriage is just another part of the life that is pretty much set out for you before you even know it. A person's spouse plays a large role in the way people perceive them and in their social status. When a man in the Middle East decides to marry a woman it MUST be a choice that is agreed upon by all members of the family. This refers to Nouf's point on how girls are viewed when they are seen acting outside the cultural norms. Girls who live in the Middle East are brought up on the idea of maintaining a certain image in society so that they can eventually be perfect marriage material. Who you marry represents not only you but your family as well. The reason marriages in the Middle East are so preferential to locals is partly based on religion. In Islam, it is a must for a Muslim woman to marry a Muslim man whereas Muslim men have the option of marrying outside the religion. Even though this option is available to them, they usually stick within the lines because they want to raise their children on the same religion they were raised. Therefore even though it may be seen as an act of racism, more of the time it is the desire to provide the same life for your children that you had and the live the same way your parent's did, culture is so strong in the Middle East and you are raised with the want to pass it on.
I was in that group last week and we had this really confusing debate about how people can be racist and not in the same time. In the Arabian Gulf countries there is a lot of foreigners who work for companies. The range of work starts from cleaners to managers of big companies. It is well known that people who don’t have that high position job wouldn’t fit in the Arabian Gulf culture even if he was from the gulf. So being a foreigner makes the situation even worse. Well, we were talking about why girls wear the scarf on when there is a guy from their country and they wouldn’t if there was any other foreigner. Because some girls thought about the scarf as a tradition thing, which is not it’s a religious thing, so they don’t really care about guys who are from different culture because he doesn’t know the reason about that. In each country girls like to show attraction to the other sex by showing them how do they are still attached to their culture and tradition, so that the guys would say yes she is the good mother that will raise my children according to my traditions. In this case girls wouldn’t care if a foreigner passes by her because he doesn’t know how does her culture mean to her as much as the guy who is from the same country. That’s why its not racism as much as its kind of keeping culture and tradition thing.
I believe that marriage should be the way it is in the Muslim and the Arabic society. Yes it could be limited, but it is a better way since I believe it has lower chances of divorces. Although there is something that I really don’t like, which is that many families in the Saudi Arabia and in the Middle East generally limit their marriage to only people from the same family. Or sometimes they limit it to certain families in certain regions or areas in Saudi. This is not how Islam said it should, but people still do it as part of tradition. Also, this could make a lot of problems since people from these families would like to marry people from other regions or other family, or vice versa, then the other family would refuses the marriage due to family difference. What would happen next is that the whole family would have problem with the other whole family. That is so ridiculous that there is no point at all for all this. The only reason here is that these kinds of families have this proud and that they wouldn’t like to let people from families without this kind of pride to marry from them. This is why it is extremely rare that you see an international married with a person from the Middle East, just because they would never have this pride am talking about. If you can understand this pride you would explain many things and traditions in the Muslim Arab culture marriages.
I don't really know how I feel about this issue or if I should tackle it objectively rather than from a Saudi point of view. It's very easy to label the situation and say that this is clearly racism and people shouldn't be doing this but in order for us to understand why this is happening we need to go back and study the social structure of the Gulf. Men and women residing in the Gulf countries are ruled by their traditions, at least when making major decisions such as marriage. A man or a woman marrying someone from a far away country happens often but it is still frowned upon by society. This could potentially be problematic for the spouse who has to either assimilate into the culture or be overwhelmed by traditions and eventually decide to leave.
When it comes to women unveiling in front of international men that work for the family, this doesn't mean it's because they think less of them or find them unsuitable for marriage. Veiled women will cover up from all men including those who don't share the same traditions or beliefs. However, in a society where the veil is an indication of the family's good reputation unveiled women find themselves more inclined to taking it off in front international men just like they take it off when they travel, even if it's to a close country such as Lebanon or Jordan where being unveiled isn't as big of a deal as it is in the Gulf countries. This might be because these other Arab countries have people of different religions whereas in the gulf the locals are all Muslims that share the same set of beliefs with small changes in traditions when moving from one region to another.
I see it as a really confusing issue for me, marriage potential might be that important for us middle eastern because parents are always concerned about their son’s/ daughter’s life future. Middle eastern people usually get married from the same country they were born in, or depend on their nationalities. However, people cannot consider marriage potential under racism because traditionally, people get married to others who are from the same lifestyle, social class and the same religion. Based on these features parents would usually rather their children to get married from the same nationality, its not that they want to discriminate and don’t allow their children to get married from other nations, as I said, its only about the matches that would get the couple relationship deeper through marriage.
About girls’ reputation importance in the Middle East, almost all of the Middle Eastern families are concerned about their daughters’ behavior according to some religious beliefs that they believe in. Some people still want to keep those traditions that doesn’t allow opposite genders to sit together alone in some cases and I would say dating as an example of things that people are not allowed to do in our countries. I think those people have the rights to keep their traditions and costumes that used to keep their nations renewing for ages through generations. Although that people in our countries have been more open minded and they let go of a lot of costumes that they used to do, I think more is coming by the time when societies get more and more in globalization.