Freedom to me is like wall paper, we know its there but we pay it no mind. It is the single most thing we all abuse and take for granted in some form or fashion. Being in the situation that I am in is what it took for me to realize not only how lucky I was, but also how fragile freedom really is. Becoming a man and having my freedom taken from me gave me a great appreciation for it and a whole new perspective on life.
Our daily routines are filled with so many different freedoms that many other people are not so lucky to have. It becomes almost like a given that we don’t look at these freedoms as just that, FREEDOMS, to learn, comprehend and respect the history of all the BLOOD that was SHED, the TEARS that were EXILED and the SWEAT that was PERSPIRED in the name of freedom is what helped me appreciate freedom as a whole.
We become disillusioned to the fact of how fortunate we are to have every freedom that we are acclimated to having due to our own ignorance and because most of us never had these freedoms taken from us. We don’t have a second thought about how fortunate we are due to that is what we expect for no other reason than they’ve always been there since we’ve been children. Just to open your eyes to some of the basic freedoms I miss most:
to shower when I want, take a bath, swim in a pool
to get up and check the fridge
to take a walk to the cornerstone
to get a haircut whenever I want
to kiss my spouse, children or loved ones before bed time
to be there at birthdays, graduations, weddings, child-births, holidays, promotions, anniversaries and funerals
to wear whatever type of clothing
to ride a bike, drive a car, roller skate, skateboard, motorcycle
to have my sense of style taken
to smell moms cooking, bakery’s baking, restaurant’s cooking, BBQing, ball park popcorn, a cars exhaust, gas fumes, street tar roasting, the ocean, scent of women
to hear children playing, construction workers working, sirens blaring, waves crashing, dogs barking, familiar voices
to have a breathe of fresh air and watch the sunrise or sunset
to pet a cat or dog, or be accompinied by one
to eat what I want, when I want
to vacuum the house
to spend casual time with my loved ones
to sleep in a real bed
to play video games or on the internet
To try and achieve some of those freedoms that I miss most I live my life vicariously through other people. One of the few things that gives me solace is knowing that the one freedom that could NEVER be taken from me is the freedom I have in my mind. Being in prison I still have the freedom of choice, there is a lot that goes into the decisions that I make everyday for one main reason and that is I know whatever the outcome of the decisions I make could ultimately affect if I ever have a shot at freedom again.
Of all the choices I can make the one that I pay most attention to is being the person that I want to be. At the end of the day is there any greater choice anybody can make in life? In a strange but good way I am freer now that I have ever been. I’ve been through a lot and learned a lot along the way. So just appreciating the few freedoms that I still do have gives me the inspiration that I need to keep going.
B. 13 years in, 31 years old.